“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” - TS Eliot

Serruptitious side-eyes were cast at the arriving Chelmsford team, wondering if these really were the 7s, slim and athletic as they were. We shrugged, it really didn’t matter, we’d play our best (!) and the result would be the result.

WIth Terry, Slap and Daren unavailable, we’d drafted in Boydy and Squid who didn’t change the average age of the team, but increased the average height to 9’3”. After a brisk warm-up and the now standard motivation from Widdle, we lined up to face the Green Meanie of Chelmsford and the rest of his team.

All the ladies say that Gregg Clarke is a keeper, so we gave him another go underneath the padding. Mat, Widdle and Dan were the defence, Dan casting wistful glances at the bench where Ross and Kev were ensconced. Boydy, DJ, Squid, Joe and Will made up the midfield powerhouse and Sam L and Glen were up front waiting to pounce.

The team was buzzing, as were the First Aid kit and Eddie’s phone. The whistle went and we were off.

The balance of the teams was fairly even in those first few minutes, both sides showing promising attack, tenacious defence and talented keeping. With only five minutes gone, Witham had the breakthrough with the ball ending up in the Chelmsford net. Joe was nearest and so got credited with the goal.

The lead was quickly canceled out when Chelmsford broke and Gregg went in for the stop only to see the ball chipped over his prone form and into the goal. 1-1 with only 13 minutes gone.
Subs rolled on and off for both sides but neither could break the deadlock. The half finished as it had started, all square. The half had given us a few interesting moments - Squid forgetting that you needed to keep the stick in your hands, Joe doing a less than graceful swan-dive into a football goal and Dan working hard to keep the ball on the pitch before twice failing to pass it ten feet. But the real drama was still to come.

Lee revved up the half-time motivation with DJ and Gregg, the three of them leaving the team with no doubt that midfield were too far away from everyone whilst standing next to them, we needed more width (speak for yourself Gregg) and that we needed more defence down the middle. Leaving Widdle to solve the riddle of the middle, we lined up again and waited for the whistle.

Witham started strongly, pushing Joe and Squid up the flanks to send probing balls into the D. Sam received the ball and clashed with the Green Meanie who, in Sam’s impeccable judgement, needed a swift boot in the rear. As it turns out this is quite against the rules of Hockey and Sam was swiftly dispatched with a yellow card and the stern words of the umpire ringing in his ear. Coincidentally, the Green Meanie received a yellow card of his own not long afterwards for a remarkably similar infraction.
Chelmsford pushed forward and caused a scramble in front of the Witham goalmouth. Widdle, his elbow already giving him some pain, received a nasty blow to the funny bone and dropped his stick which fell to the ground in the path of a ball that was dribbling slowly towards the goal. The ball struck the back of the Widdle-less stick and a penalty stroke was awarded.

The teams huddled to watch the stroke. Gregg Clarke faced up to the taker and, diving low to his left, saved it! This moment of heroics immediately securing hom a runaway Man of the Match award.

With Widdle off the pitch cradling his arm, Witham reshuffled the line up pushing Mat to midfield, bringing Boydy into central defence with Kev and Dan either side of him and finally giving Gregg the width he so desperately craved. We started to use that width to put the pressure back on the Chelmsford defence. With fifty minutes gone, Witham won a series of short corners which, whilst the injections may not have been perfect, at least didn’t end up over the sideline this week. However, Chelmsford were able to soak up the late attacks and when the final whistle went it was a 1-1 draw.

Hands were shaken and, whilst we acknowledged that it wasn’t our best performance, we were still unbeaten and the only team in the division able to say that. We adjourned to the club where Sam selflessly declared himself Dick of the Day.

At the halfway point of the season we sit third in the table, just one point behind the leaders Maldon.